Unseen Terror 2024: Someone Needs Therapy (Day 23)

The fanaticism for the long running Terrifier franchise is nothing short of fascinating. Exploding in popularity primarily through word of mouth, the gruesome exploits of silent, creepy slasher villain Art the Clown has taken the horror world by storm (whether they’ve embraced it or not is a completely different story), and writer/director Damien Leone’s decision to expand what was once a relatively linear story into a full-fledged one with strong characters is unexpected and admirable. Now arriving eight years after its first full-length entry made its way into the world of modern-day horror (though if you want to count shorts, this is Art the Clown and Terrifier’s 16^th birthday), Terrifier 3 has come to, in layman’s terms, plant high explosives in your chimney. For you see, this marks the movies’ first time outside of the season of the witch and into the time that anyone who’s ever worked in retail before detests with a passion: Christmas!

 

The story picks up immediately after the events of Terrifier 2, where we saw Art (played here once again by David Howard Thornton) get his comeuppance via a satisfying sword decapitation. Turns out that despite getting your head chopped off, you can’t keep a good clown down and, well, he gets better. Now joined by an accomplice in the form of physically deformed, insane survivor Victoria Hayes (a returning Samantha Scaffidi, one of only two performers to appear in every full-length entry of the series), they enter a five-year-long hibernation. When they’re accidentally disturbed by demolition workers, Art resumes what he’s been so good at doing. This time around though, he discovers that he’s woken up during a different holiday, which leads to him grabbing a Santa suit and committing more horrible acts (but now with some X-mas themed flair). Elsewhere, Terrifier 2’s survivors Sienna and Jonathan Shaw are trying to move on with their lives, though the former has been released from a mental health center and is wrecked with survivor’s guilt, while the latter is trying to settle into a life of normalcy at college. It doesn’t take terribly long for the two to discover that perhaps their greatest nightmare has returned, and they attempt to concoct a way to finish him off for good.

 

Let’s get the biggest positive of Terrifier 3 out of the way right now: it is shorter than its predecessor and flows much better than prior installments (though we’re still subjected to some scene lingering here and there). I think this shows Leone’s growth as a filmmaker and understanding the audience a little more. While we’re more than satisfied watching the extravagant and expertly shot murder sequences of these flicks, it’s like watching a “death match” in professional wrestling. There’s a good chunk of people who love the sheer insanity and audacity of it all, but we need a breather from time to time. Speaking of those slayings, to the surprise of absolutely no one, the deaths in Terrifier 3 are chaotically, unapologetically gruesome. For every time that I thought to myself “I don’t think you can top the ‘bedroom’ centerpiece from the second film,” Leone and his crew manage to prove you wrong. If you have any suspicions that Art may have lines he doesn’t cross, then I’d like to point you to a sequence that takes place inside of a mall. Understandably, the movie’s most infamous moment (and what will likely nab it several awards at niche horror-themed ceremonies from the likes of Dead Meat and Fangoria) is a double kill involving a chainsaw that would make fans of 1980s cult favorites such as Pieces very proud and the creators of violent video game series Mortal Kombat blush (side note: NetherRealm Studios, put Art the Clown in your newest game as DLC and watch your sales skyrocket). Simply put, the movie’s kills are like putting Mortician lyrics from pen to screen. In what is perhaps the most pleasant surprise, Terrifier 3 is also a lot funnier than its predecessors. These films were never joyless slogs, but actor David Howard Thornton is really getting a chance to showcase his comedic chops via great body language and little mannerisms that briefly defuse the horrors of what you’re seeing on screen. It’s similar to what we’d see in some of the later-day Elm Street sequels, but with a villain who never utters a single word to the audience.

 

Perhaps the greatest triumph of the Terrifier series above all else though has been the rise of our now recurring heroine Sienna Shaw (played wonderfully by a returning Lauren LaVera). She has emerged from the events of the prior flick with plenty of mental and physical scars, but much like the strongest of horror protagonists (or hell, just film in general), they haven’t weakened her and have made her more alert than ever. It’s akin to seeing the growth of classic horror heroines such as Ellen Ripley or Nancy Thompson, and her performances are the anchor to this gorefest of a franchise. Without going into any spoilers, it’s going to be very interesting to see where her character goes after the events of Terrifier 3, but as long as LaVera and Leone continue to work together, I’m all here for it. Put her in the ‘S’ tier of all-time best “final girls.”

 

At this point in its lifecycle, the Terrifier franchise, for better or for worse, is here to stay and is a testament that you don’t need an astronomically high budget to shock or disturb audiences. They’re very much like that local restaurant that you’ve dubbed “the best *insert food item* in town.” While that statement is a debatable one amongst you and your colleagues, it’s still a very satisfying meal for what they charge. It’s blood-soaked comfort food, and regardless of whether this kind of stuff is your jam or not, I think it’s incredible to see an unrated motion picture top the box office (and to dethrone the highly anticipated Joker: Folie a Deux with relative ease). It’s neat to see things shaken up sometimes. That, and it’s a great big middle finger to that anti-union, “anti-woke” jackass Todd Phillips. If you’ve got the stomach and want a splatterific way to kill two hours, come on down to the clown café again.

Unseen Terror 2022: Day 2

Look, I'm sure that I'm bound to make a few enemies by saying this, but I have to get it off of my chest: the original Hocus Pocus from 1993, while admittedly very fun, is a tad bit on the overrated side. Mind you, I do not dislike the film at all. I've enjoyed it going back to when I first saw it at a neighbor's Halloween party in (I want to say) 1994. I think Bette Midler is absolute fantastic in it. I think Doug Jones is immensely entertaining as Billy Butcherson. Do I consider it to be a bona fide classic in the genre though? That's kind of up for debate. Still, I was morbidly curious (and fearful) when they announced that a sequel to this (now) cult classic was being filmed and set to release exclusively on the Disney+ streaming service. Often times long overdue follow-ups end up disappointing to the degree where you tend to erase them from memory as fast as you possibly can (looking right at you Zoolander 2 and Anchorman 2).

Much to my surprise however, I found Hocus Pocus 2 to be pretty gosh darn fun. The plot isn't exactly complicated: two teenagers accidentally bring the abhorrent witches known as The Sanderson Sisters into modern day Salem and have to find a way to stop them from becoming all powerful and wreaking havoc upon the world. Simplistic storyline aside, I feel as though what makes a large chunk of this work is how enjoyable the cast is. The villainous Sanderson Sisters (who admittedly seem to be a tad toned down in terms of evilness this time around) are as splendid as they were thirty years prior, with Midler in particular just writhing in ecstasy every time that she gets to be the main focus. I also found Kathy Najimy to be far less irritating than she was in the first picture. Sarah Jessica Parker is...well, she's just swell. Yeah. As for their adversaries though? They're kind of a mixed bag. Whitney Peak (of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina fame) is a decent enough protagonist, but her companions feel a bit on the cliched side. On the "adult" side of things, we are blessed with the presence of the always entertaining Sam Richardson (whom you will likely recognize from television shows such as Veep and I Think You Should Leave) and a welcomed return of the aforementioned Doug Jones. The two of them have far better chemistry than anyone could have expected.

Here's where I may bum some readers out though: yes performance-wise, Midler, Najimy, and Parker are very good. But oof do they kind of drop the ball with the writing of their characters. Comical as they may be, there was still some hint of menace and malicious intent behind those ridiculous costumes in the first feature. Building up just the comedy and downplaying the fact that they are, y'know, witches who KILL AND EAT CHILDREN was certainly a choice, but I feel as though it will affect how many times a viewer is likely to revisit it. There is also an attempt to make them more sympathetic through an opening prologue that while amusing, reminds one of how Disney seems far too keen on utilizing the "sympathetic villain" trope. It was one thing in Maleficent, but I'm still pretty appalled by the fact they tried to make the titular character in Cruella likeable. This has also been bleeding over into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and I am kindly asking that you please stop this. Oh, and some of the CGI seemed rushed. There's that too.

Still, I'm legitimately shocked that I enjoyed this as much as I did. Perhaps watching with the right company can enhance one's enjoyment of this silly romp and help you ignore some of its weaknesses. Truth be told, there is a slim-to-none chance that anyone watching this hasn't seen its predecessor, but much like with this year's Clerks III, you can tell that it was made for that particular fanbase and nobody else. As it so obviously says on the poster, Hocus Pocus 2 is streaming on Disney+ and I don't see it leaving that platform anytime soon.

Tomorrow, we head to Japan for a kaiju flick unlike any other!

....no, seriously!

Unseen Terror 2020: Day 10-12

It wouldn't be my silly horror marathon without the occasional hiccup, would it? Sometimes I think that switching over to video reviews is a much better alternative, but I lack the funds to make that happen. Anyway, due to some birthday commitments (which included my own), here are some quick thoughts about the last three pictures I watched over the course of this weekend.

It was on the tenth day of this month that I could declare that I am mercifully done with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, and after watching the SECOND attempt at a prequel story in this series, I pray to whatever deity will listen that ideas for resurrecting the Sawyer family and their kin remain dormant for a lengthy amount of time. Leatherface is set several years before the events of the original picture and tells the story of how the titular character came to be who he is. There's a story involving him being sent to a mental asylum and escaping with a group of crazies and.....honestly, I can't muster the energy to even give this movie the thorough trashing that it deserves. Though the kills are appropriately nasty and Lili Taylor gives a decent performance as Verna Sawyer, the rest of this movie is just putrid, forced, or downright idiotic. I was aghast when I saw that this came from the same people who made the horrifying and unsettling Inside, which is one of the most uncomfortable and cruel flicks that I've ever seen come from overseas. I'm torn between who I think has the the worse luck when it comes to lousy sequels or retreads: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Hellraiser. At this point, this series doesn't need someone to bring integrity back to the franchise: it needs a pillow over the face.

On the plus side, it IS marginally better than Texas Chainsaw 3-D.

1985's Creature was a film that had been on my radar for much longer than I realized. I do like me some Peter Benchley, plus the addition of Craig T. Nelson and Kim Cattrall as lead performers only added to my excite-...wait, this isn't THAT Creature? This is the one directed by the man who gave us Feardotcom? And from the writer of Supernova?

Well then. Creature (also known as Titan Find) is essentially what would happen if you made Alien, splashed in some elements from The Thing, and slashed its budget significantly while also forgetting how to keep your audience interested. I'd love to say that the presence of noted German legend Klaus Kinski lifts this film up even a smidge, but he's barely in the picture as it is and feels incredibly subdued when he does appear on screen. Come to think of it, I can't really come up with anything positive to say about this one. It's shockingly boring, poorly lit, and cheap-looking in the wrong kind of way. You'd be better off watching other Alien "ripoffs" like Contamination or even last year's ridiculously dumb Shocking Dark.

I feel as though whatever the twelfth day brings, I desperately need my mood lifted.

 

Okay, I'm (technically) cheating here. I first saw portions of Cat's Eye as a kid and eventually made my way to watching the film in its entirety during my teenage years. It has been quite a while since I did that though, and through the magic of Plex I was able to revisit this wonderful anthology from the year of my birth. I won't mince words: Cat's Eye holds a very special place in my heart. It was one of my earliest introductions to the world of Stephen King, showed me how great practical effects and green screen can be when in the right hands, and most importantly it solidified my love for tabby cats. Two of the stories found here are based off of previously-published King short stories ("Quitters Inc." comes from Night Shift, "The Ledge" from Penthouse magazine and also Night Shift), with the third ("General") being a wholly original one penned for the flick by the Maine madman himself. Other than every segment involving the same cat in some sort of capacity, the connecting theme throughout all of these appears to be the fear of losing your loved ones. 

"Quitters Inc." revolves around James Woods joining a strange organization that will seemingly cure him of his nicotine addiction, though if he strays from this path even once, they promise that there will be consequences involving his family. I did not remember this one being as goofy as it is, but Woods' near-constant neurotic performance makes this a very entertaining thirty-or-so minutes. Hell it could have gone on for another ten and I still would have been perfectly content. "The Ledge" is eerily similar to "Something to Tide You Over" from Creepshow; Robert Hays plays a man who is forced to circle a VERY narrow exterior of a tall building by the husband of the woman he's been having an affair with. Even those who don't share the same fear of heights that some of my own friends do will likely feel a little queasy, which can be attributed to some great camerawork and trickery. "General" however, is perhaps the most notorious and well-liked story in Cat's Eye. The aforementioned cat, who had acted as more of a background player prior to this while also avoiding other King creations such as Cujo and Christine (not kidding!), finds himself in the home of young Drew Barrymore and runs afoul of her distrustful mother. Because of her apprehension and insistence that he remain an outdoor cat, the feline is initially unable to protect the girl from a benevolent troll who enters her room with the intention of stealing her breath. Eventually the two creatures meet and we bear witness to a wonderful fight which showcases how criminally underrated this film's effects are. I feel as though I've lost count with how many times I've watched this particular segment over the decades, but it never fails to put the biggest smile on my face. It also has a great vocal performance from Frank Welker as the tiny terror whom only Barrymore is convinced exists.

Like I did with the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I don't think there's much else that I can add when it comes to heaping praise on Cat's Eye. It's a truly wonderful little movie and was the perfect piece to help erase the memory of the past few flicks from my mind. Go watch it and give your pussy some loving while you're at it.

.................note to self: don't type that again.

Unseen Terror 2020: Day 2

Well this was....unexpected.

Okay, I was well aware that the sequels in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise were of varying quality, but to say that I was awaiting something more akin to a dark comedy than a full-on intense horror flick ala its predecessor would be a lie. Alas, it does appear that director Tobe Hooper was fully on board with the decision that should a sequel be created to the film that made him an in-demand name, it should be the complete opposite of what preceded it by twelve years (infamous film distributors Cannon were reportedly not a fan of this choice). It's a goofy, over-the-top, and bloody slasher with very little in the way of deeper meanings or commentaries. It lacks the grimy and eerie realism that made the 1974 film so shocking and respected.

And yet.......it's also ridiculously entertaining and kind of a joy to watch.

The plot for the second movie in what is a surprisingly large film franchise technically begins with an explanation that due to some very odd technicalities and bumbling, the brutal and cannibalistic Sawyer family were never captured by authorities and are on the run. Hell, there's a contingent that doesn't seem to believe that they even exist! After massacring (ha) a couple of rowdy teens who were harassing a young disc jockey nicknamed "Stretch" over the phone, they proceed to track down and terrorize the young lady due to the possibility of her having recorded their killings. Elsewhere, former Texas Ranger Boude "Lefty" Enright has seemingly turned vigilante and is in pursuit of the murderous family who just so happen to be responsible for his nephew's death over a decade ago. Once the credits began to roll on TCM2, it struck me how eerily similar this was to a motion picture released two decades later: Rob Zombie's The Devil's Rejects. I won't venture into spoiler territory (and usually don't unless I REALLY hate the film), but the fact that both feature a man of the law in pursuit of a demented family who killed someone very close to them, they star the amazingly talented Bill Moseley in what are arguably scene-stealing roles, and are noticeably different in tone or style when compared to their predecessors is very peculiar. I'm almost certain that this is a combination of a passionate love letter via Zombie and pure coincidence. But let's get back to this bad boy before I get sidetracked.

As mentioned above, director Tobe Hooper wished to film Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as a straight up black comedy rather than an intense horror movie, having believed that the more comedic elements of the first picture went by almost completely unnoticed when audiences first viewed it (I'll include myself in that list). In some regards it works. Writer L.M. Kit Carson concocts an unabashedly silly script that turns the murderous and psychotic Sawyer clan from the first film into a more demented version of a cantankerous, squabbling sitcom family. Jim Siedow is one of the only performers to return this time around, and his portrayal of family head and meat connoisseur Drayton Sawyer is still solid overall. Considering just how iconic Leatherface has become in the horror world, I think it's a bit of a shame that Drayton is glossed over by casual fans of the genre. Leatherface (naturally) makes a return as well, although he's played by a different actor this time around (something which apparently becomes a regular occurrence throughout the series) and his new mask has certainly seen better days. There's a side plot which seems to imply that perhaps he isn't as evil as society believes he is, but it never really amounts to much when the final twenty minutes kick in. I might disappoint some of my friends when I say that he came across as a bit of wasted potential this time around. 

The same can not be said for franchise newcomer Rob "Chop Top" Sawyer (played by an absolutely crazed Bill Moseley). He is a living cartoon character come to life, and even if he does feel like someone who could've been thrown into a Batman book, he is just so damn charming and legitimately funny. I can see why he has developed a rabid cult following. As luck would have it, we also have a much more well-developed "final girl" this time around too in the form of Caroline Williams' spunky "Stretch." I mean no disrespect to the late Marilyn Burns, but I felt as though she was more lucky than anything during the entire ordeal of part 1. Williams, on the other hand has some legitimately great moments of character growth and sports some real chutzpah during moments of serious peril and danger. The only newcomer that I wasn't enthusiastic about was protagonist Lefty Enright (played here by the late Dennis Hopper). True he has a good motivation for everything that he does, but more than anything else, he feels like an afterthought and shows up in the nick of time towards the end so that he can participate in what is admittedly a very cool scene involving dueling chainsaws. He isn't a bad character per se, but perhaps he was just outshone by everyone else around him.

There was a very small part of me that was prepared to dislike The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 just based on how much I ended up loving its predecessor (call it sequel trepidation I suppose). I am always happy to be pleasantly surprised though, and if you can go into this with a bit of a open mind (and a tolerance for gore), there's a high chance you'll be smiling throughout a lot of its running time. As of this writing, the flick is available to stream via Amazon Prime and a collector's edition Blu-Ray from Scream! Factory shouldn't be too difficult to track down.

And now, some parting words for racists, fascists, and all-around pieces of human trash via Mr. Moseley:

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 23

For last year's Unseen Terror, I kicked it off with 1980's rather infamous and influential slasher Prom Night. Several weeks afterwards, I dove right into what was to be the first in a line of sequels. Much to my surprise, I found Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II to be rather enjoyable, if not a bit standard. Heck, if I'm allowed my first "Bold Horror Statement" for the 2018 iteration of this blog-o-thon, it would be that I prefer that picture to the original. Initially, I was just going to let sleeping corpses lie, but when I discovered that Prom Night III: The Last Kiss was available for free on the addicting dumpster fire known as YouTube (and that the quality wasn't complete garbage), I had to dive right in.


Unbeknownst to me, the third entry is a continuation of the story found in Hello Mary Lou, as it concerns the titular, undead prom queen, this time portrayed by new actress Courtney Taylor, returning to the world of the living yet again. Unlike before, when she escapes hell, she arrives on Earth with no particular motive other than wanting to kill people and occasionally get in the pants of a high schooler named Alex (played by Party of Five part-timer Tim Conlon). He is the very definition of the "Average Joe," as he doesn't excel at any subject in particular, dreams of working in a field that he is likely not qualified for, and is having difficulties with his girlfriend (Cynthia Preston). When Mary Lou comes into his life, she magically causes everything to become wonderful, but insists that he has to clean up any "damage" that she causes on the side. Sooner than later, the faculty body count starts to rise just as high as Alex's grades do.


In stark contrast to the first flick, Prom Night III closely resembles a parody of the slasher genre that was so huge at the time, and features a HEAVY emphasis on the comedic aspect of the "horror-comedy" tag. Sure, the second film had its funny moments here and there, but it was played relatively straight for most of its running time. I wasn't shocked to find out that just like its predecessor, the writers had no intention of this ever being connected to the Prom Night universe, but it appears as though that was changed to potentially make it more sellable to moviegoers. In some regards it works, but tonally this thing can't quite seem to make up its mind. The few moments of gruesome deaths that are to be found are certainly gory, but nothing this time around feels particularly scary, and the humor that's provided for the actors to deliver isn't good either. Comprised of the easiest and cheapest of jokes (i.e. fat people eat a lot, women who work out have to be manly, etc.), it feels like something that would better fit a bad early-90s Fox Network sitcom.


On the plus side, the two leads are exceptionally entertaining. Alex may not go down in the books as one of the slasher genre's all-time great heroes, but he's easy to sympathize with and Conlon gives him a sort of naïve, yet endearing attitude. As mentioned above, we also have a new Mary Lou, and while I mean no disrespect towards the previous actresses who played her in Prom Night II, Courtney Taylor might be the perfect choice for the character. The decision to transform this villain into essentially a sultry, slightly crazed female version of Freddy Krueger (complete with puns) does come across as pandering to the mainstream audiences, but she's having so much fun with the role that it's hard to truly get mad. She's also striking to look at (note: she's a dead ringer for Twin Peaks' Sherilyn Fenn!), so I'm certain that such an attribute could be beneficial for the more superficial folks watching these type of pictures.


Prom Night III: The Last Kiss is a bit on the messy side, but it's a surprisingly watchable sequel. What it might lack in uniqueness, it tries to make up for with some fun kills and entertaining performances from the aforementioned cast. It helps to keep it from ever being boring, which I'd argue is worse than being a straight-up awful or forgettable flick. If I'm allowed to make one more comparison, this franchise's spiral into unabashed silliness is very similar to what happened with Sleepaway Camp: start with a fairly serious film, then get progressively wackier with each follow-up. If you don't mind paying a pretty penny, you can grab this one alongside the next entry (which may or may not be coming soon) on DVD.




Tomorrow, I'll hopefully be well-rested, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't fall behind in my reviewing habits!