This isn’t exactly a mind-blowing revelation, but streaming services are everywhere these days. I’ve lost count with how many there are now, and every time that I finish typing a sentence, a new one pops up like you just spilled water on a mogwai. Whatever the case, here are three movies (and a television show) that are exclusive to their streaming homes. Of course, I’m sure you could find these via “other” means, but I digress.
Hulu’s Mr. Crocket came onto my radar recently and
much like has happened before, the poster immediately caught my attention. It’s
a strange, if not uneven mixture of The Ring and Mister Rogers’
Neighborhood (with some elements of Wes Craven’s New Nightmare thrown
in for good measure), where a children’s TV show host is kidnapping kids via a
strange VHS tape that makes its way into the homes of fractured families. The
biggest praise I can give to this one is that the practical effects and gore are
surprisingly very good, and the opening of the film is great, with American
Crime actor Elvis Nolasco delivering an amusing performance as the titular
villain. As time goes by, however, the movie starts to lose steam because it
can’t seem to make up its mind about what tone it wants to stick with. Does it
want to be a dark horror-comedy, or a serious story about recovering from
trauma and the hardships of being a single parent? The third act in particular
is kind of a mess and includes a ludicrous revelation involving a supporting
character that feels like an excuse to increase the body count. Still, I’m
looking forward to seeing whatever writer/director Brandon Espy comes up with
after the dust on this has settled. The talent is there in Mr. Crocket,
but I so, so wish the consistency was as well. Maybe see if the guy is down to do a V/H/S segment sometime sooner than later!
Up next was Amazon’s horror-themed dessert competition show Killer Cakes. If you’re familiar with any of the more popular cooking television programs like The Great British Bake Off, then you’ll know what to expect here. It’s a miniseries where four teams of two bakers craft and serve cakes that fit the morbid themes assigned to them by host Matthew Lillard (whose status is at the point where his presence can brighten nearly any project he’s in), while hoping that judges Danielle Harris (The Wild Thornberrys, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers) and Nikk Alcaraz (a YouTuber and cookbook author who I’ll admit I had no familiarity with) will approve of the final products. Honestly, the biggest complaint I have about this was the entire show consists of two episodes. The creativity and fun that went into some of these bakes was quite charming, but I really wish we could’ve seen more. Plus, the more Matthew Lillard the merrier. Anyways, if you miss the fun weirdness of gone-too-soon gems like The Curious Creations of McConnell, this is an amusing watch.
Unlike…..
Honestly…………………I don’t really feel like reviewing this one.
Not because it brought any feelings to the surface that I didn’t already have.
Not because it terrified me immensely (calling it a horror-comedy is pushing
it). Not because I was left speechless. Not even because I held my head in my
hands asking, “why did I choose this of all things to watch?” I don’t feel like
discussing this one because I’ve seen a lot of people say it’s a new “comfort”
watch for them and I don’t want to hurt any feelings or bum anyone out. I
haven’t been an Adam Sandler fan since the early 2000s (save for his roles in
the likes of Punch-Drunk Love and Uncut Gems) and I feel like his
performance in Funny People was his attempt at breaking the fourth wall
by speaking to the audience and saying that he really wanted to stop making dumb
comedies…only to follow that up with another decade’s worth of crass, juvenile
films made for audiences that really wish they could say that one slur for
mentally challenged people again without getting ugly stares from people with a
conscience. I’ve gotten tired of the “talk in a funny voice throughout the
entire picture” schtick. I’m tired of the cliched “he’s a dumbass but gets the
hottest women” trope. All that being said, I’m not in the mood to be terribly
negative and ragging on modern-day “Happy Madison Productions” releases isn’t
worth the effort. If you get enjoyment out of Sandler’s entire catalog and want
something to watch with your preteen kids, then go right ahead and check out Hubie
Halloween on Netflix. I am not part of his audience anymore, but I hope you
have fun.
It's infinitely better than Jack and Jill or I
Know Pronounce You Chuck & Larry though. And there is a clever gag
about every female news anchor dressing like Harley Quinn.
In terms of who wins this unofficial contest of “best
original film” among the three feature-length flicks discussed in this entry,
Tubi (surprisingly) comes away as the winner. The horror-comedy Clickbait:
Unfollowed is essentially what would happen if you took Squid Game or
Battle Royale but made the contestants “influencer” stereotypes. You’ve
got the new age girl, the crypto bro, the beauty advisor, and a few more that I
won’t fully mention so as not to spoil some of the surprises. They’re invited to
a nice house where they discover that they’ve been given a series of tasks
where whoever comes in last, is…well, let’s just say “taken offline.” Writers/directors/co-stars
Melanie Scrofano & Katherine Barrell (the former you may recognize from the
awesome Ready or Not) bring just enough humanity to each of these
characters to make them not completely aggravating to be around for ninety
minutes, with Roberto Kyle and Ashleigh van der Hoven standing out among the
cast (though everyone here is doing a solid job and clearly having fun). I do wish
it had been a little gorier, but maybe that’s the sicko in me talking. Perhaps
spending too much time with Terrifier 3 and In a Violent Nature corrupted
me. Anyways, this is completely free to watch (as is everything on Tubi) and for
a “Tubi Original,” it’s a lot of fun!
We’ve got less than a week’s worth of movies to watch and discuss
now. Time to break out some big guns soon…………to be so eloquent, "È ora di fare un viaggio in Italia e guardare
alcune cose inquietanti dei primi anni '80."
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